Belong

I was thirteen, my hair was in a single plait, I was smart but not a topper, I was funny but not a comedian, I was talented but not outstanding. Yet, everyday I felt like I was special. No not because of my parents, no not because of my friends but it was the way I saw myself.

But that changed, boys teased me, called me names and pushed me and the girls stood and watched as they tore me down bit by bit. The girls looked hot, had a lot of boyfriends and I had nought, so they teased and made fun of me because I was different. Mother fought with the school, the principal laughed and said that's part of growing up. 

My eyes welled up everyday, my heart hurt because I could not understand what was wrong with me. I had been nice, I played with them, I tried my best but why won't they accept who I am. Slowly but surely, I changed, I became afraid, I became hard-shelled, and I became alone and caged. 

I tried ignoring, I tried being nice and most of all I tried to connect, but alas no one wanted that. Instead it became worse everyday, yes I thought of it ending my life I mean, but I knew I was meant for something great. 

Let's fast forward today, 9 years later, I'm still a little funny, I'm still talented and yet Im succeeding in my own little way. I came back to this place, where the people are the same, time for them hasn't changed, they still continue to be hurtful but I'm more than okay. Yes, I don't belong, I never really did but that's what makes me different.

Pondering over him

 

My heart aches with every touch of your hand and every smell of you, as I don’t think anyone held me in that same way. I never thought I could ever like someone like you, but who knew I would fall this way for you.

The way you held me made me feel wanted and loved, like I was the most special being in this world we were on.

You hugged me like we would never see each other again, guess what, we didn’t. You looked into my eyes like I was the only person you wanted to be around, too bad it was the last.

I remember as I was cuddled on to your shoulder my hand rested on your chest, I felt your heart pounding without a rest. Never thought someone else would like me, but you did even when I was crazy.

Reminiscing the last nights remembering all that happened that night, tears flow down as I fight. I remember your smell, it still lingers on my clothes, but now it’s a memory that seems to be afloat.

I don’t trust people so easy, but somehow you seem to have won my heart so easily. How could it be so hard when we only met once, I feel like a part of me has been ripped ever since. I look back and wonder was it real, or was it a fantasy I built. Who would ever think I could fall for a guy this simple?

Perfect Love

 

You wonder did I mean anything to them or was I just another notch in their belt.

How could we be so in love one minute and the next, can’t wait to get rid of them. Why do we enjoy the feeling of being loved, even though at it’s most it’s just a validation we seek outside.

I feel my heart being wrenched from my chest, as I reminisce the beautiful moments of the so called ‘love’ we shared. Now all I feel is pain so deep inside till my bones can feel it too, how could I become so broken when it wasn’t even true.

How many times will I go down memory lane, is there no way to forget and shut it out.

Do I really know what loves is?

Is it love when they cheat?

Is it love when they beat?

Is it love when they lie?

Or is it combination of the above.

Stories and movies portray this perfect love, he loves you just as you love him. Unfortunately, for some of us, it will never come to be true.